


Baldi's Ultimate Bus Ride

by Cheerless



Category: Baldi's Basics (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-11-01 14:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17869286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheerless/pseuds/Cheerless
Summary: Well, that last camping trip with that random player kid didn't go so well. Fortunately, Baldi has a plan to make everybody feel better! ANOTHER RANDOM CAMPING TRIP!! But this time, it's just Baldi and the students... What could go wrong?





	1. Can You PLEASE Just Get On The Bus?

**Author's Note:**

> So just a quick thing I should mention; the non human-ish characters are human. So that's Arts & Crafters, Gotta Sweep, 1st Prize...yeah. Enjoy this mediocre first chapter!

**Chapter 1: Can You PLEASE Just Get On The Bus?**

 

**By: ✨Cheerless✨**

 

All of the students swiftly rushed around to do last minute packing. I guess they're all just big procrastinators...

 

"Where's my jump rope?! WHERE'S MY JUMP ROPE?!" Playtime cried. Bully rolled his eyes. "I think you're gonna live without a stupid jump rooooope."

 

Playtime pouted and crossed her arms. "It is **NOT** stupid! Player loved playing with me!" She insisted. "Oh, suuuuure. Just as much as he loved being cornered by Baldi every time you **bothered** hiiiiiim." Bully retorted.

 

"There's no need for comments like that, _Bully_." Baldi spat his name like poison.

 

Bully gulped and nodded. Playtime cupped a hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle. Bully was heading back to a vending machine to fill up his bag of Zesty Bars and Bsoda cans one last time.

"P-Playtime! I-I got your j-jump rope!" Arts was there to save the day as he handed the beloved toy to her.

 

Playtime held the rope tightly to her chest in a protective manner. "Awww, thanks, Artsie!" She chirped. He blushed and nodded, muttering a quiet ' _you're welcome_ ' before heading back to get his manga and art supplies.

 

As Playtime was entering the bus, she decided to sit up in the front. That was because Bully always sat in the back. And she wasn't very happy with Bully.

 

The excited girl bounced in her seat in anticipation of the bus to start moving already. This was her first time camping. Not even Bully could ruin this for her!

 

Meanwhile, 1st Prize clung tightly to the Principal's shirt as Baldi tried to pry him off.

 

"1st Prize, GET ON THE BUS!!" Baldi demanded.

 

"But I don't want to leave Mr. Thing all alone! Who will he hug?" 1st Prize argued.

 

Baldi sighed and tried to compromise. "One hug! I want this to be a perfect camping trip, since that player kid already upset me enough..."

 

1st Prize squeaked in glee and glomped the poor principal. His eyes widened at the tight embrace. But honestly, what had he been expecting? Nonetheless, he hugged back and placed him on the ground. "Alright, have a nice time." Principal sent him off to the bus. 1st Prize giggled, happy that he had gotten his way.

 

As 1st Prize ran off, Principal began to feel worried. "Are you positive that you can handle this all by yourself?" He asked. Baldi chuckled and shrugged off his nervous boyfriend's antics.

 

"Prince, I'm a big boy! I'm sure that I can handle a couple of students," Baldi replied, and pecked him on the lips. Principal blushed, and nodded. "Well, be safe, hon."

 

They kissed one last time, and the principal left him be.

After a while, the only student left was Bully.

 

"HURRY UP IN THERE!" Baldi yelled.

 

"I'll be out in a minuteeeeeeee!!" Bully shouted back in annoyance.

 

Playtime and 1st Prize were talking about how excited they were to go camping, Arts was doodling, Gotta Sweep was secretly watching Arts, and Baldi was starting to look furious while waiting for Bully.

"And then, we'll roast marshmallows! And then, I'll hug everyone! And then, we'll sleep on fluffy pillows! And then, we'll dream about hugs! And then—"

1st Prize rambled on and on, and Playtime listened attentively to each word. "I'm just...so...so...excited!!" 1st Prize cheered while he bounced around in his seat.

 

Playtime chuckled at his energetic behavior. "I'm excited, too!"

 

"H-Hey...g-guys..? Do you t-think...there'll b-be any...b-b-b...b-bears..?" Arts asked with an obvious stammer in his voice.

 

Playtime placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, and smiled.

 

"Don't worry, Artsie, Baldi won't let any bears hurt us! He'll BEAT 'EM UP!!" Playtime exclaimed, making a punching motion with her fist.

 

Arts couldn't help but chuckle at her last comment. His face started to heat up.

 

It really did honor him that a girl like Playtime would do so much to make him happy.

 

"I'm cominggggggg! Goddddddddd!!!!!" Bully complained whilst sitting all the way in the back next to nobody.

 

"Alright, everybody," Baldi announced with a huge smile.

 

"Here it comes!" Playtime gushed in 1st Prize's ear.

 

"Let's go camping!"


	2. A Longer Than Usual Bus Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here's the second chapter! (Nobody wanted it, but I was getting into the story) Enjoy?

**Chapter 2: A Longer Than Usual Bus Ride**

**By: ✨Cheerless✨**

 

Trees. Dirt. Bush. Wait, is that another tree with an x on it?

 

It was hard to tell where they were, since Baldi accidentally drove off of the path.

 

Playtime and 1st Prize tried to entertain themselves while playing Rock Paper Scissors. Bully had joined in for one round, but he cheated.

 

Arts was doodling in a notebook that he stole from the player. The drawing itself looked like a mysterious man with only eyes, a red shirt, jeans, and hair.

 

Oh, well. He probably isn't important.

 

"This forest...doesn't look like how I remembered it when I was a boy..." Baldi claimed. "Maybe the trees have just grown taller?"

 

"Face it, we're losttttttttt!!!!!!" Bully yelled. Playtime's eyes widened. "Lost?!" She echoed. "I just thought that the bus was slowly dying!"

 

Playtime and 1st Prize began to flip.

 

Arts had to plug his ears from the noise of Bully, Playtime, and 1st Prize's screaming.

 

"Bully, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Gotta Sweep shouted at Bully.

 

 

Now almost everybody was yelling. Baldi had had enough.

 

Baldi slammed his fists down onto the glovebox with as much force as he could muster, and turned around and sent a glare that burned a hole in everyone's soul.

 

The bus went silent.

 

"You need to learn when to shut up, Bully." Baldi said in a calm tone, which surprised everyone around him.

 

He tried to turn the bus back on, but it wouldn't start.

 

"Mr. Baldi? May I have permission to speak?" Playtime asked.

 

"Yes, Playtime."

 

"I think that we really are lost now," She sighed and sat back down.

 

Baldi tried to think of a clever plan. Suddenly, he had an idea!

 

"Well, I guess we could just camp here and find gas in the morning!" Baldi announced.

 

" _Herrrrre?_ " Bully exclaimed with disgust.

 

"Yes, here." Baldi replied in an annoyed tone.

 

"I think it's a GREAT idea!" Playtime cheered, pulling 1st Prize into a tight embrace. 1st Prize gladly hugged back.

 

"Eh, whatever works." Gotta Sweep shrugged and just went with the plan.

 

"Alright, everyone, go find sticks and stones while I find Wi-Fi!" Baldi exclaimed.

 

The students all ran.

 

Playtime and 1st Prize decided to go find some sticks together. "This is going to be great! With you and me together, 1st Prize, we'll definitely find lots of sticks!" She exclaimed. "Haha, yeah! We'll give the sticks a home in our firrrre!" 1st Prize chirped.

 

Meanwhile, Bully threw rocks at a bird up in a tree. But he missed every throw.

 

"Why won't you just eat my rocks?!" He whined. The bird seemed to be smirking.

 

While Bully did nothing productive, Arts stood on the other side of a bush and caught every rock that Bully threw. _At least I'll bring back some stones,_ Arts thought to himself.

 

Gotta Sweep disinfected a tree with mold using a bottle of Clorox. "Whoa, that's some GROOVY clean machine!" He exclaimed.

 

Then, Arts saw that a rock Bully threw went far into the woods. He sighed and went to go get it. "Such a waste of stones..."

 

Suddenly, he saw a shadow looming over him when he bent down to get the rock. Curious, he looked up. His eyes widened.

 

"B-B-BBBBBEEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Arts yelled at the top of his lungs.

 

Meanwhile in Georgia, they reported hearing a loud scream but being unable to trace the source.

 

Arts scrambled to get away, but the bear grabbed him by the top of his head.

 

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

 

Baldi heard a scream and rushed to find it. Then, he saw the bear holding Arts.

 

The bear approached him.

 

"Is this yours?" The bear asked, pointing to a whimpering Arts & Crafters. Baldi sighed. "Thanks," He said while taking Arts. The bear nodded and went back into the woods.

 

Baldi couldn't calm Arts down, because he was ABSOLUTELY **TRAUMATIZED**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How am I doing so far?


	3. A Young Infant Meets Tree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, I've been taking a hiatus. Bad Cheerless, bad, bad! So, I guess I'm gonna finish this story. Maybe I'll write another one? Anyways, enjoy!

**Chapter 3: Young Infant Meets Tree**

 

**By: 🌟Cheerless🌟**

 

Bully was rolling his eyes at the mentally disturbed Arts & Crafters. "Bear...B-Bear..." He mumbled incoherently. 1st Prize was concerned. Baldi, however, was  **not**.

 

"Okay, students, I'm gonna start the fire now!" He exclaimed. He grabbed two sticks and began to rub them together vigorously. "Uh, Baldiiiiiii? Couldn't you just use some matchesssssssss?" Bully suggested. Baldi turned around so fast, it was a wonder why he didn't get whiplash. "No!" He boomed. Bully shrunk back onto the log.

 

"Okkkkkkk....but why nottttttt?"

 

"Because we're tighter than bark on a tree."

 

"...Ohhhhh. Okkkkkkkkkk."

 

-

 

It had been an hour since Baldi first attempted to start this fire, and everybody, even Playtime, was starting to get a bit exasperated. Baldi and Bully especially.

 

"That's just an urban mythhhhhhhh, old mannnnnnnnnn!" Bully shouted. "Call me old man again, bub, and you'll wish you **had** stayed in LA."

 

"Ay caramba," Playtime whispered in Arts's ear. He blushed from the sudden contact, and gently shooed her away. This saddened her.

 

"Holy shit, teachhhhhhhhh! Don't gotta be so meannnnnnnnnn!" Bully replied. Baldi chose not to reply. Probably a wise idea.

 

"He said a bad word," 1st Prize whispered to Playtime. She nodded, and gave him a thumbs down.

 

Suddenly, a stick struck Baldi right on his bald head. "Oy!"

 

He rubbed the bald spot gently. "Alright, who's the wise guy?!" He exclaimed angrily. Another stick was thrown! Another bruise for his bald head...

 

He was pissed now. His face had turned bright red. The hair on the top of his head stuck straight up, like an antenna. Playtime and 1st Prize shuddered under his icy cold gaze.

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" A voice wailed from the bushes. Everybody was confused. What was going on?

 

"Stand back, everybody! My huggy senses are tingling!" 1st Prize cried. He rushed towards the bush, and screamed bloody murder at what he saw.

 

Everybody was stunned. There were red stains around the bush, so one could only assume...

 

"Stand back, everybody. Today's the day that you learn about death..." Baldi muttered whilst heading towards the bush. " **Learn** about deathhhhhh?! Everybody's seen the fanfiction that you read on Ao3, Baldiiiiiiiii!!" Bully critiqued him. Baldi lightly blushed, but shook it off as he approached. Everybody gasped at what they saw...

 

A baby, out in the middle of the woods, that got into their picnic basket!

 

"Noooooo! Not the jelly sandwiches!!" Gotta Sweep moaned, grieving the loss of his beloved treats. "They were for the children, anyways." Baldi rolled his eyes at him. "They were?"

 

"Look, everyone! Life's greatest miracle! A baby!" 1st Prize cried out in joy. Everybody's faces lit up as they saw the holy face that lay underneath the bundle of blankets.

 

"It's like baby Jesus..!" Playtime cooed at the baby.

 

Vibrant, blue eyes...innocent and naive, unaware of the dark world surrounding them. Buckets and buckets of hair as smooth as silk, and a shimmer only comparable to freshly polished bars of gold. Perfect, absolutely—

 

"Wait a minute, it's just a dollllllllll!" Bully called out. Everybody moaned as the head of the doll crumbled to the ground. "And a Dollar Store one, too!" He added.

 

"Well, back to work." Baldi shrugged, throwing the doll at the pine tree. "Besides, it's not the only dream of you children that will get crushed eventually."

 

Gotta Sweep ruffled Arts's hair. "All hail the circle of life." He said.

 

-

 

The children ate what was left of the jelly sandwiches while Gotta Sweep sat and cried in a bush. "You know, I have a question..." Playtime remarked. "W-What i-is it?" Arts asked.

 

"If that baby was really just a cheap doll, then what _did_ get into the jelly sandwiches?"

 

And as soon as she said that, the unholy screeches of half of the entire raccoon population came echoing through the campsite.

 

"It's been an honor serving with you, gentlemen." Gotta Sweep sighed, and threw his janitor's cap to the ground.

 

"Run, class! **RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!**" Baldi boomed, and began to drag the miserable Mr. Gotta Sweep with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, holy crap. Another campsite bites the dust by raccoons. How's that for a comeback after months of no chapters?!...
> 
> ....
> 
> Meh. This chapter's pretty crappy.


	4. Playtime's Wrath, Gotta Sweep's Big Mouth, And The Scandal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, have I got some crap for you today!
> 
> Also, guess what made me less depressed today. I just looked at this story, and it's the most popular one I've wrote by far!
> 
> I mean, 149 hits?! Really? Why do you people like this crap?
> 
> *And 18 kudos (Oof)

**Chapter Four: Playtime's Wrath, Gotta Sweep's Big Mouth, And The Scandal**

 

**By: ✨Cheerless💖**

 

Everybody had _barely_ escaped the raccoon's brutal revenge. They had found an odd abandoned bus, with eyes painted on the front and a dead lizard inside. There were odd gadgets that did _god_ knows what.

 

Even Baldi was more than a little disturbed after the raccoon attack. Everyone had different ways to cope. Playtime and 1st Prize were sobbing, Arts was acting like he was fine, Gotta Sweep was still grieving over the jelly sandwiches, and Bully was texting a special friend to tell him that he'd be late.

 

"Oh, god...oh, no...okay." Baldi mumbled to himself. Bully rolled his eyes. "It's just some stuuuupid raccooooons."

 

"It was horrifying!" Playtime whined. "Terrifying!" 1st Prize added. "Baldi?" Arts asked, raising his hand. "Y-yes?" Baldi replied, still on edge. "How do we sue?"

 

"Uh, let's just talk about something else." Baldi quickly changed the subject. Arts slunk down in his seat in defeat. Baldi sighed in relief. "No refunds," He murmured happily to himself.

 

Gotta Sweep fiddled with his janitor bag.

 

"Ah, here we go!" He exclaimed, pulling a particular bottle out. "What's thatttttt?" Bully asked, narrowing his eyes. "This is the good stuff, kiddo. You ain't getting none of this 'till you can handle Santa Clause comin' to town." He joked.

 

"Santa?! Where?! I want some happy Christmas juice!" Playtime exclaimed. "Antonio..." Baldi warned.

 

Gotta Sweep gulped. "Uh oh. Now you guys _know_ I'm in trouble."

 

"Who are you talking to, Mr. Gotta Sweep?" 1st Prize asked. "Alright, class, I've come up with a plan." Baldi interrupted. "We can camp out in this bus, and try to get a good night's rest."

 

"Isn't that what we're already dooooinggggg?" Bully retorted, picking up his stuffed teddy. "Goodnight, everyone!" 1st Prize chirped happily, clinging onto his pillow.

 

Playtime smiled, and clung onto him instead.

 

_-_

 

Well, Mr. Gotta Sweep woke up with a dreadful headache that morning. All you people can guess why.

 

He groaned, and stumbled out of the bus. "I gotta g-go find a p-place to t-take a whizz..." He slurred to himself. There was a large well. "Bingoooooooo, baby."

 

He did his business in the well. "Finally, the first people here for years!" A childlike voice cried from down below. "Shut up, Timmy." He replied, zipping his pants back up.

 

"But I'm so cold!" The boy down below complained. Gotta Sweep dug into his pockets, and pulled out a cigarette. He threw it down below. "Here's a cigar. Light yourself on fire."

 

_-_

 

Everybody woke up to the smell of smoke. Oh well.

 

"Well, class, one quick breakfast and we have to get going." Baldi decided. "Marshmallows!" 1st Prize exclaimed. "Tomato juice!" Playtime exclaimed. "Beef jerkyyyyyyy!" Bully exclaimed. "Manga." Arts blushed.

 

A marshmallow, diet tomato juice, BBQ beef jerky, and manga fanboy sandwich.

 

They all threw up. The end.

 

_-_

 

 _Nobody_ wanted to go on Baldi's 'improvising nature walk' this morning. This trip was beginning to **suck**. No fun activities for so long, and it was driving all the kids crazy.

 

Playtime was having severe mood swings. "Playtime?" Arts called from the back. "WHAT?" She yelled. He shrunk down to size. "Well? Spit it **out**!"

 

"I-I just w-wanted y-you t-to slow d-down..." He whimpered. "Oh, you want me to slow down, do 'ya? Well, I'll slow down, alright! I'LL SLOW DOWN WHEN I'M **DEAD**!" She raved.

 

Baldi groaned. "Come on, class. Pick up the pace." He reminded. Playtime rolled her eyes in sync with Bully.

 

_-_

 

Soon, Bully had gotten ahold of some Bubble Yum gum. Hashtag not sponsored. He was blowing the biggest bubble _ever_. It was perfect.

 

Suddenly, it popped. And guess who it got all over? Playtime.

 

Her nostrils began to flare, and her eye twitched. It was eerily quiet. She had stopped walking. Soon, it was just her and Bully.

 

"You...got gum...in my **hair**." She snarled quietly. He stared. "So?" He replied. Suddenly, she began to shriek in anger. "THAT IS **IT**! WE'RE NOT PLAYING AROUND ANYMORE! WE'RE GOING FREAKING **HARDCORE** , BABY!!"

 

She tackled him to the ground, and began to shove her fists repeatedly into his jaw. Then, she slugged him right in the sniffer. Blood covered the leaves. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" She cried angrily. His eyes widened.

 

"Shitttt! Playtime freaking **snappeddddddd**!" Bully shouted fearfully. "YOU'RE GONNA PAY, THIEVING **FAT-ASS**!"

 

She wrapped her arms tightly around his throat, and kicked him as hard as she could in the groin. He tried to scream, but all that came out of his mouth was blood.

 

"help..." He breathed. " **No one** can save you now." She said.

 

He kicked her in the neck. She groaned in pain as he pushed her off of him. She lunged at him in midair, and sent powerful punches to both of his eyes. He tried to shield himself using his arms, but she only used them as a swing to hurt him more.

 

She fired slam after slam, kick after kick, punch after punch, until finally somebody heard his cries of pain.

 

"You there! Stop hurting this young man!" A feminine, and sweet voice called. "Huh?" Playtime questioned.

 

Before she knew it, two slightly yellow-ish arms gripped her off of him. Whoever did this must've been strong. Playtime could feel regret and confusion towards this stranger who had saved Bully.

 

And when she turned around, what did she see?

 

A lovely female specimen that somewhat resembled Baldi! Except with long ginger locks. "Wow..." Playtime mumbled in awe. "Young lady, what has caused you to be this way?" She asked.

 

"He always bullies me! This time, he got gum in my hair!" Playtime complained. "Ah. Gum in hair is the most cruel injustice in the book," The stranger replied.

 

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Baldette, but my enemies call me the Balderdash." She introduced.

 

"Oh, hello." Playtime greeted. Then, she gazed over at Bully's pathetic figure. Coughing up blood, and crawling on his knees. Had _she_ really done this? No, that wasn't her. That couldn't have been her. It only could've been...The Jump Rope Sociopath.

 

_-_

 

Baldette carried the children towards the direction of the class. Baldi seemed relieved when he saw them. "Oh, thank god, you two aren't decapitated!" Baldi sighed in relief. "Not yet," Mr. Gotta Sweep reminded him quietly in his ear.

 

"To whom do I thank for bringing you back safe?" Baldi continued, completely ignoring Bully's state. "I, Baldette." She spoke, words soft as a dove's feather.

 

Baldi swooned. Principal was no longer on his mind. Just Baldette.

 

"You're lovely...I mean, it's lovely that the children are back safe!" Baldi stammered. Bully coughed up a bit more blood. "Uh, more or less."

 

"This boy is in no condition to learn! He's been beaten half to death...by cow plants." Baldette protested. "Well, we can just patch him up. You seem...more knowledgeable about these matters than me, so you can stay and help." Baldi offered.

 

Baldette pondered. "Well, alright...but only because I care about all childrens' well being."

 

"Yeah, and Baldi cares about getting some lovin'!" Gotta Sweet hooted. Baldi turned furious scarlet. " **WHAT**?"

 

He cheekily smiled and stuck his tongue out a little, dodging Baldi's anger.

 

"M'am, I can assure you, I only want what's best for my children." Baldi swore, smiling nervously. "What's **best**?" Gotta Sweep replied, chuckling.

 

"Bully gets beaten half to death. Raccoons demolish the campsite. We run out of gas. We have to walk 5 miles without sunblock. The freakin' jelly sandwiches get **eaten**!" He ranted.

 

"Would you shut up about the damn jelly sandwiches?!" Baldi shouted angrily. "Hey! We lost good men that day! The bus. The sandwiches. Uh, Timmy fell down the well..." He trailed off.

 

"I'm still alive!" Timmy called from down below. But no one seemed to pay any mind.

 

"Well, I for one am tired of arguing! Let's just help this poor boy!" Baldette interrupted, already treating Bully's wounds with alcohol and gauze. "Wow..." Baldi murmured. He'd always wanted a woman who could nurse.

 

That way he wouldn't have to commit to keeping the class safe.

 

Baldette's hands delicately folded over one another as she kept applying gauze. Her fingers danced as she gently lathered alcohol over the cuts.

 

Fixing up some irrational beating up never looked better in Baldi's eyes.

 

Baldette was about to apply the last layer of gauze, when Baldi and her hands met. "Shall we do it together?" Baldi offered. She stared deep into his eyes, and saw nervousness, hope, and love. She smiled. "We shall."

 

They wrapped the gauze around Bully's face gently, never stopping their lovesick gaze.

 

"Would you like to have a walk by the lake with me tonight?" Baldi requested. She warmly smiled. "That would be lovely." Baldette accepted happily.

 

Their hearts were at ease. Playtime, however, was _not_ digging this scandal. His heart belonged to Mr. Thing, and Mr. Thing _only_. He had no right to do that to that poor, frazzled man.

 

Her stomach churned as she watched the two lovebirds gush.

 

She had to break them apart. It was the only way to save the principal from as much hurt as possible. She had to secretly interfere. This was going to be _hard_.

 

This was a task for the Jump Rope Sociopath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, next chapter will be the last. I had fun on this wild rollercoaster ride, but I don't think that I'll get anymore popular books. This is the only one that people like...
> 
>  
> 
> Maybe check out my other two too? :(

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember to comment down below to give me some feedback on the story, or even just my writing if you read this far. It helps me improve, and stop making stupid mistakes :)


End file.
